He is sovereign

January 21, 2014 was the beginning of a hurricane in my family. Daddy was sick and in the coming days was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer that spread to his liver. After 3 days in the hospital, we brought him home, he chose hospice instead of treatments. I can never sing praises loud enough for the care that was given to him between January 21st - February 8th.  Phoebe Putney ER in Albany was amazing, Dr.Griffith, Dr. Phillips, & Bluebells mom showed kindness we knew never existed.  Lori in Imaging was very special to us, she was the first person who told us that she would keep Daddy in her prayers.  Third medicals nurses & doctors were Godsends; Rachel, Jasmine, spunky Mary Ann and dear sweet Justin. Daddy got the diagnosis early on the morning of January 23^rd alone. Justin was a student nurse, his patient was Daddy's roommate. He told Justin about the news he’d received, and that dear boy prayed with him. Daddy told me that was the sweetest prayer he had ever heard. When we left the hospital, Daddy's nurse Rachel hugged us all goodbye and cried. God was there.

We ended up back at Phoebe Putney by the next week on the oncology floor, blessed with more nurses and doctors who genuinely cared for the man who had loved me unconditionally all my life. Shirley and Gretchen were Daddy’s favorites that week.  The last day he was in the hospital in Albany, he talked about reading the book of John the night before over and over.  (About a month before, I had finished reading John myself.)  We agreed John was our favorite book in the Bible, and our hearts were knit together more closely than I ever thought possible. I smile because I know HE guided me to read John just for this purpose. God was there.

After getting home we were visited by one of the sweetest nurses we’d ever met, Susie.  She was soft spoken, gentle, and had compassion in her eyes like we’d never seen.  She chose her words carefully when we asked her questions, and she helped us understand how to best care for Daddy. The following weekend Daddy was visited by his sisters and brother, nieces, nephews and friends.  There was a constant trail in and out of their home, which only proved even more to me how blessed I was to have him as my earthly Daddy.  I also saw a strength in my Moma I’d never known.  I knew she was strong, but in this situation, she showed me something I never knew was possible, that through her, I could draw strength.  She never overreacted and was always calm and patient.  God was there. 

The following week began a struggle for Daddy as well as the rest of us.  It wasn’t as easy for him to get up and down or to even eat.  Each time I would leave, I would notice changes when I returned.  It took me 2 days to decide I wouldn’t leave them anymore.  I made a decision from that moment on to cherish every single solitary second with him, no matter what the situation.  I remember every trip up & down the hallway with him, Moma in front of Daddy, and me behind him.  Some trips took 30 minutes, some 45 and eventually an hour.  Even through his pain he was exceedingly respectful and at times so funny we couldn’t hold back deep belly laughs!  We’ve been told (and I was also warned) that that in his last days he could become mean and combative.  “Not my Daddy” I said…. and I was right.  He cracked jokes without even smiling, but I know he was laughing inside.  He even gave Ben & Riley advice the last night he was home that almost had us in tears it was so funny.  On one of the trips down the hall I was in front of Daddy and Roger was behind him.  I stopped and gave him a hug and told him that he was the “best Daddy in the world”, he just said  “noooo” but Roger hugged him from behind and said “yes you are”.  Sweet sweet memories I will cherish forever… God was there.  

Oscar Wayne Shinholser was the greatest Daddy in the world.  He loved me with an unconditional love not every child gets to feel.  No matter what the situation, I always knew he’d be there.  Over the last 2 years my faith in God has grown by leaps & bounds.  I believe part of the reason this happened was because God knew I’d need to have a closer relationship with Him, to be able to handle losing Daddy.

God was there through it all.  Through every piece of bad news and every glimmer of hope.  He was there in the belly laughs and in every single “I love you Daddy” & “I love you Wayne”.  He was there in the doctors and the nurses, who not only showed great care and compassion for Daddy, but for our family as well.  Moma said it best though when she said “God was there and knew how sick he was and He didn’t allow him to suffer very long.”  Seventeen days was not enough time once we realized he would be leaving us, but in many ways, seventeen days was enough, because we all had time to tell him how much he was loved!  We took every opportunity to kiss and hug him whether he wanted them or not.  So when you think about it, there’s never enough time with those we love.  The best part of it all, in Christ, there are no goodbyes and we will have eternity together. 

I have felt the prayers of my family, friends, & church.  They gave me strength I never knew possible.  But now I have a deep aching hole in my stomach that at times overwhelms me to the point of tears.  I know God feels this pain and hurt along with me.  When it wails up inside, I try to remind myself that God loves me even more than I love my Daddy.  I find hope in knowing that one day I will run through those pearly gates and wrap my arms around his neck and tell him how much I’ve missed him!  Then, I will get to live in Heaven with my earthly and Heavenly Father, oh how glorious that will be! 

He is sovereign!

Psalm 103:15-19

As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children's children, to those who keep His covenant and remember to do His commandments.  The Lord has established His throne in the heavens and His kingdom rules over all.