God created angels

Is there ever a phrase you hear that just cuts you like a knife?  Not that it makes you angry, but you want to just scream to the world that it is not true.  Five years ago I may have thought differently, but today I know the truth and I want to share it.

First off, people (of any age) do not become angels when they die.  There is nowhere in the Bible that tells us this.  In fact, it says opposite.  God created angels, separate and apart from human beings. The psalmist said, “Praise Him, all you angels! …Let them praise the Lord’s name, because He gave the command and created them all!” (Psalm 148:2, 5).  And I could be completely wrong, but I don’t believe our loved ones come and watch over us as “guardian angels”.  If my Daddy had come back to watch over our family, he would have felt great sadness, and that’s not possible.  The reason I know this is because Revelation 21:4 says, “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there by any more pain; former things passed away.”  If we feel comfort or protection after losing someone, I believe with all my heart that is the Holy Spirit or one of Gods angels He has sent specifically for us.

The other phrase is “God needed them”.  God does not need any one of us.  He wants us!  He wants us because “He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).  He has NO need for anyone or anything on this earth.  I find so much comfort in knowing that even with all my flaws and sin, He still wants me with Him in Heaven one day.  I didn't really notice these phrases before losing Daddy, but anyone who has ever lost someone close to them can tell you that people say all sorts of things to try to comfort you.  My dear sweet Daddy is not a guardian angel and God didn’t need him.  Daddy is in Heaven because he chose to believe that Jesus is the son of God and to follow and love Him.

It’s coming up on 2 years since he's been gone and the other day I was crying and Jimmy said “Monique, Mr. Wayne would not come back here now if he could.  He is having the best time and he is not sick anymore”.  Those are the thoughts we can comfort ourselves with when losing someone.  They are not here anymore, they are not angels watching over us, and they wouldn’t come back even if they could!  Because  they are with God AND His angels.

Deep roots of faith

Do you ever wonder why it’s so easy and expected for us to prepare for certain situations in life, but we don't always prepare for the hard-times that we know are coming? Particularly, why am I (and most believers) so stubborn when it comes to preparing for the storms of life. Hard times are going to come, we are promised that. John 16:33 says “I have told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have troubles, but be brave! I have defeated the world!”  It depends on how you’ve equipped yourself, as to whether or not you’ll endure. These storms will either make you or break you. God gives us so many examples in His word about what we must do. This concept has been coming to me in different ways over and over for months now, but they’ve all been related to trees & roots. These reminders have scared me a little because I don’t know if God is preparing me personally, or if He just wants me to share with you what’s on my heart. 

So through all of this I’ve become obsessed with trees. I’ve researched roots and which trees have deep roots or shallow roots. (I’m so thankful we have a “visual” God, He knows I need a picture in my head of what He’s trying to teach me.)  A tree that develops a deep, strong root structure can withstand heavy winds without falling to the ground. A tree depends on its roots to reach deep into the soil to search for the water and nutrients it requires to survive. As much as 30 feet of root fibers have been found in one inch of soil when examined with a microscope! In drier areas, roots penetrate to a much deeper level, seeking moisture. Some desert shrubs have roots that extend downwards in the earth as deeply as 230 feet! 

Our Church recently went to a Casting Crowns concert and Mark Hall talked about the album cover for Thrive, which is a picture of a tree and its roots. (yes God, I’m still listening!) The album cover was inspired by the Constitution Tree in Geneva, Alabama. 

This tree is believed to be 250-300 years old. There’s no way it could’ve survived with shallow roots. The roots are believed to be so deep that they run beneath the river nearby. And so, because of its deeply nourished roots, it has withstood storms & drought for all these years. 

I don’t always listen to God when life is good, I think this is true for most people. If He doesn’t speak to me through a sermon or through reading His word, He will get my attention somehow. It may be through a big storm. I just pray that when He does get my attention, my roots will be so deeply grounded in Him, I’ll be strong and able to stand with the faith I need to survive. I heard it said like this recently, “Jesus saves, but the Word keeps you alive”.

The best way to be rooted in Christ is to bury ourselves in His word. Digging our roots deeper and deeper into good life-giving soil, and drinking from the living waters gives us a lifeline to Our Heavenly Father. 

“Happy the man who... delights in the law of the Lord and meditates on his law day and night. He is like a tree planted near running water, that yields its fruit in due season, whose leaves never fade" (Psalm 1:1, 2-3).

Lord help me to grow my roots deeper and deeper, so that I can withstand any trial that comes my way, and when others see how I handle the storm, You’ll receive all the glory.

I Did It!

Over the years, there’s been a few times I attempted to read the entire Bible.  I always began in Genesis, but I never made it very far because it seemed so hard to understand. Then 3 years ago, I tried again.  For some reason (which makes perfect sense to me now) I began in Leviticus.  I could understand it, but it was so hard to read because it's mostly about sacrifices.  Several times I thought, “Lord I don't wanna read this”...  but I kept reading.  If I had to give a summary about that book, I would say it's about sacrifices and how they had to be perfect and without blemish.  In the end I realized that Jesus could be the only perfect sacrifice.   I am happy to say that I have read the entire Bible. (Don't laugh, yes I realize it took me 3 years!) I jumped all around, wherever the Lord led me, and finished up in Zechariah, which ends beautifully... all about God’s promises to come.  Now I see why I started in Leviticus and ended in Zechariah… between the two, they pretty much describe the life of a Christian.   We are stubborn and sinful people who never seem to learn, and do all the wrong things to try to make up for it.  But God loves us anyway, and if we’ll open our eyes and heart long enough, we can see that Jesus, the pure & perfect sacrifice, is our Savior!  When we accept that, God will say

"I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure. I will refine them like silver and purify them like gold. They will call on my name, and I will answer them.  I will say, ‘These are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The LORD is our God.’”  

 (Zechariah 13:9 NLT)

 I'm not bragging because I read it all, I'm excited because I can't wait to read it again...because the Word is alive! 

Chipping Away

First of all I want to say everything written in this blog is totally about me. I am preaching to myself. I am failing, learning and growing in Christ. I feel He wants me to check in with the world every now and then to tell you what He is doing with me. Kinda like that song by Josh Wilson...Here I Am Anyway

"I'm like Moses in the desert when that bush went up in flames, 

You said " Go and tell your story", he said God what will I say?

 I'm so scared, unprepared, what difference will I make?" 

...sometimes i feel the same" 

So please don't think I'm being Miss Goody-2-shoes, I assure you, I am far from it. I am just a vessel trying to be obedient.  So if anything here applies to your life and speaks to your heart, that's God communicating with you. Thank Him for connecting with you and pray that He will reveal exactly what needs to be done about the little reminder you might receive. 

It sounds insane to thank God for the hurt or the trials we face. But Paul did just that. "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”   2nd Corinthians 12:7-10

So you see, we should thank Him for our hardships in order to receive His power. You can have the same power that multiplied the loaves, saved Peter from sinking, and raised Jesus from the dead. I’m not saying pray for hardships to come, but thank Him, then pray for His strength and grace to get you through it. It irritates me when people say “God will never give you more than you can handle”. Who in the world came up with that? Obviously someone who doesn’t read the Bible. God assured us we would have trouble, more than we can handle. What He did say was “Come unto me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me…for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11: 28-30  

 You will get more than you can handle… on your own that is. But if you handle it with His help, you will learn from Him and you’ll grow into the person He intends for you to be.

I downloaded this song a couple years ago. Back then I had no idea what it would mean to me today. Funny how songs or Bible verses take on new meaning through different stages of your life.  Change in the Making by Addison Road

"Every day, you're chipping away what I don't need.

This is me under construction,

This is my pride being broken,

And every day I'm closer to who I'm meant to be, I'm a change in the making”

The part that gets to me the most is “every day, You're chipping away what I don’t need”. Whew! This chipping hurts. He is chipping hardest at my dependence on myself. We’ve all heard preachers say “He wants you to totally depend on Him” but that doesn’t mean a thing until you come to the point in your life where you cannot do it on your own any longer. Of coarse He is chipping away at other things such as friendships, people or idols. We all have idols, we just don’t want to admit it. An idol is anything that comes between you and God. ANYTHING. That means Facebook, tv, hobbies, people… the list goes on and on. So I just pray that although it hurts, I want Him to keep chipping. Because the more He takes away, the closer I grow to Him and there is nothing sweeter. No relationship, no new gadgets, no new car, no success… nothing. 

So back to Miss Goody2shoes... I will be the first to admit I have done this… used God’s word to rebuke someone. But I've been convicted about it and I won’t do it again.  Don’t call God in on something that you know you’re working with the enemy on, rebuking & judgment is not your place. God doesn't work like that, His plan is to handle it Himself. Sometimes we have to get out of the lie before we can call on the truth. (That means look in the mirror before you tell someone else their faults or hold a grudge against them, it’s for your own good). Pray for your blessing while you’re in the storm but don’t let the enemy trick you in to being the storm that blocks your blessing, or even worse, keeps you out of Heaven.” There’s scripture to back this up. 

Check out Matthew 6:15, "But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Or Matthew 7:21, which is the scariest verse in the Bible by the way.  “ Not everyone who says to Me, “Lord, Lord,” will enter the kingdom of heaven. Simply calling Me “Lord” will not be enough. Only those who do the will of My Father who is in heaven, will join Me in heaven.”

Forgive someone today. Forgive anyone you are holding bitterness in your heart toward. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re ok with what they did, what they are doing, (or did not do). Forgiveness releases you from the enemy’s grip.  Yep… he’s got a grip on you if this is the situation you’re in.  2 Corinthians 2:10-11 says, “If you forgive anyone, I forgive that one as well. Have no doubt, anything that I have forgiven—when I do forgive—is done ultimately for you in the presence of the Anointed One. It’s my duty to make sure that satan does not win even a small victory over us, for we don’t want to be naïve and then fall prey to his schemes.”

Do you see that?!  Forgiveness is for YOU when you forgive others. Wow! It took me so long to learn this! 

When I Iost Daddy something in me broke… well lots of things broke.  But one of those things was tolerance of certain things like fakeness. I want to live my life transparent as possible. We have to be real and help each other out on this road we’re on. It’s our job. God didn’t come to save the righteous, He came to save the sinners!  Luke 5:32 says “Jesus heard about it and spoke up, “Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? I’m here inviting outsiders, not insiders—an invitation to a changed life, changed inside and out.”

The fact is, we are all going to end up in one of two places. So if you say you're a Christian and have been saved by grace, then please take the other Scriptures to heart as well.  Don't just pick out what you like. God wants all of His children in Heaven and He wants the absolute best for us. He doesn’t want to turn anyone away. If you have a problem with someone, go to that person one on one and forgive them. Or write them a letter. If it’s not possible to do it in person, then go to your Heavenly Father and tell Him you release them, give Him your burden and don’t take it back when you finish praying. 

I don’t know about ya’ll, but I want His power on my side. We all know who wins in the end.

But the LORD stands beside me like a great warrior.

    Before Him my persecutors will stumble.

    They cannot defeat me.

They will fail and be thoroughly humiliated.

    Their dishonor will never be forgotten.

 O LORD of Heaven’s Armies,

You test those who are righteous,

    and You examine the deepest thoughts and secrets.

Jeremiah 20:11-12

The eighth day

Daddy left us on February 8^th 2014.  Twenty-two years earlier, his older brother (Uncle Gilbert), left us on February 8^th, 1992.  It’s strange how the eighth day has effected my family and continues to change me.  Some days are torture.  Most days are hard.  Other days I’m ok.  Then the 8^th day of the month rolls back around and I am right back where I was in February.   It happens to Moma too, I see it every month.

July 8^th, 2014 is their 53^rd wedding anniversary and 5 months since he’s been gone.  In our eyes it’s still their anniversary because if Daddy were here they would still be married.  He loved her with a love that you pray your kids will have when they get married.  Of coarse they had their ups and downs, but that doesn’t matter.  What matters is how they loved through the years and all the way to the end.  I will take Moma out to celebrate Tuesday because I know Daddy wouldn’t let the day pass without showing her how much he loved her.  

He came to visit me in a dream for the first time a few weeks back.  Before I went to sleep I prayed for God to tell Daddy how much I love and miss him.   In my dream we were in a kitchen and Moma was washing dishes, they were smiling at each other.  I was wrapped around him crying.  He kept saying “stop crying Baby, I can’t stay long, please stop crying”.   No matter what I couldn’t stop crying.  I even smelled his Old Spice.   I’ve never had a dream more real in my life.   Although I’ve never had a panic attack, when I woke up I felt sure that’s what was happening to me.   Then I was angry with myself for not being able to talk to him. I want a do-over. 

I’ve also asked God to let Daddy send me messages.  Early on the morning of my birthday I walked outside to let Presley out of her pen.  The sun was just beginning to shine through the trees and it made a beautiful cross on the pine tree behind our house.  I stood there for a second staring because I couldn’t believe my eyes, then I took off running to get my phone.  When I got back outside to take a picture, it had changed into a heart.  A perfectly shaped sun-lit heart right where the cross was.   My birthday present from God & Daddy was the most beautiful gift I’ve ever received.  I got a picture of the heart… but I took it with the phone I dropped in the pond (on Father’s Day).  Ben is my witness though, I think he’s the only one who scrolled through my pictures one day and saw it. I've realized if we truly “open” our eyes to God’s goodness and beauty, He will show us amazing things especially when we need them.  “As for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me”  “….He will bring me out into the light; I will see His righteousness”.  Micah 7:7 & 9

Also, on the phone I lost were all of Daddy’s voice mails.  He’d say “Hey Baby, this is Daddy, call me, I love you”.   He always started with “Hey Baby” oh how I miss his voice.  I didn’t write all this for sympathy.  Recently I read an article about grief and it suggested to write everything down.  It said what I am experiencing is normal.  The most frustrating part for me though, is not being able to control my tears.  And because of that, I’ve withdrawn and felt isolated.   I’ve been so impatient with crying, but it’s only because I’ve been made to feel like I should already “be over it”.  Or as someone said (about one of my kids), “you can only use ‘my Grandpa died’ as an excuse so many times”.  The article said there would be people like that.  People who have no clue what we are going through.  But the important thing is to learn from this experience and use it to help others when they go through the loss of a loved one.  I do not ever wish this pain on anyone.  But the fact is we all go through it.  So just be mindful of those who are grieving and understand there’s no timetable on grief.   No, you can’t really do anything to take away their pain, but you can be considerate and pray for them.  If it seems they’ve “checked-out”, it’s the only way they know how to deal and more than likely they are trying to protect you from seeing their pain or tears, they are not neglecting your friendship.  Give them time. 

Through the good times and the bad, God promised to never leave me and He has surely proven this verse.  "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

I have accepted the fact that I’m not ok, but one day I will be and I look forward to a time when the “the eighth day” doesn’t hurt so much.  But sometimes I wonder if that won’t happen until I get to Heaven.  If that's the case, His grace is sufficient for me. 

"...The master-works of God are those men who stand in the midst of difficulties, stedfast, unmoveable,--

"Calm mid the bewildering cry, Confident of victory."

He who would glorify his God must set his account upon meeting with many trials. No man can be illustrious before the Lord unless his conflicts be many. If then, yours be a much-tried path, rejoice in it, because you will the better show forth the all-sufficient grace of God. As for His failing you, never dream of it--hate the thought. The God who has been sufficient until now, should be trusted to the end." Charles Spurgeon 

He is a consuming fire

There are times in the morning when I am spending time with God that I know if someone walked in the room with me they'd be sure I had lost my mind.  Today was one of those days. 😂

Hebrews 12:28-29 was in my Jesus Calling devotional this morning. "Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. For our God is a consuming fire." I loved these verses and quickly wrote them in my journal.  Then I got out my Bible and picked up in Exodus where I had left off yesterday in chapter 24. 
Verse 17 stopped me in my tracks "The sight of the glory of the Lord  was like a consuming fire on the top of the mountain in the eyes of the children of Israel."
Some will see this as a coincidence, and some will think I had searched the phrase, "consuming fire",  just so I could make reference to these verses together. But I know that what happened to me this morning was my Father in Heaven communicating with me. He knows my struggles and He knew I needed Him to reassure me that "He knows, He sees, He cares" (just as Kimberly just told me last night). This kind of communication with Him is exactly what I needed at the most perfect time.  And all I can think as I sit here in a huge puddle of tears is who am I that He would talk to me this morning???.... But I know who I am.  I am His child who He loves. 

Please take time to talk to Him today. Read His word.  He has something to tell you, but you'll never know what that is if you don't make time for Him.  He loves you more than you'll ever know. 💒

He is sovereign

January 21, 2014 was the beginning of a hurricane in my family. Daddy was sick and in the coming days was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer that spread to his liver. After 3 days in the hospital, we brought him home, he chose hospice instead of treatments. I can never sing praises loud enough for the care that was given to him between January 21st - February 8th.  Phoebe Putney ER in Albany was amazing, Dr.Griffith, Dr. Phillips, & Bluebells mom showed kindness we knew never existed.  Lori in Imaging was very special to us, she was the first person who told us that she would keep Daddy in her prayers.  Third medicals nurses & doctors were Godsends; Rachel, Jasmine, spunky Mary Ann and dear sweet Justin. Daddy got the diagnosis early on the morning of January 23^rd alone. Justin was a student nurse, his patient was Daddy's roommate. He told Justin about the news he’d received, and that dear boy prayed with him. Daddy told me that was the sweetest prayer he had ever heard. When we left the hospital, Daddy's nurse Rachel hugged us all goodbye and cried. God was there.

We ended up back at Phoebe Putney by the next week on the oncology floor, blessed with more nurses and doctors who genuinely cared for the man who had loved me unconditionally all my life. Shirley and Gretchen were Daddy’s favorites that week.  The last day he was in the hospital in Albany, he talked about reading the book of John the night before over and over.  (About a month before, I had finished reading John myself.)  We agreed John was our favorite book in the Bible, and our hearts were knit together more closely than I ever thought possible. I smile because I know HE guided me to read John just for this purpose. God was there.

After getting home we were visited by one of the sweetest nurses we’d ever met, Susie.  She was soft spoken, gentle, and had compassion in her eyes like we’d never seen.  She chose her words carefully when we asked her questions, and she helped us understand how to best care for Daddy. The following weekend Daddy was visited by his sisters and brother, nieces, nephews and friends.  There was a constant trail in and out of their home, which only proved even more to me how blessed I was to have him as my earthly Daddy.  I also saw a strength in my Moma I’d never known.  I knew she was strong, but in this situation, she showed me something I never knew was possible, that through her, I could draw strength.  She never overreacted and was always calm and patient.  God was there. 

The following week began a struggle for Daddy as well as the rest of us.  It wasn’t as easy for him to get up and down or to even eat.  Each time I would leave, I would notice changes when I returned.  It took me 2 days to decide I wouldn’t leave them anymore.  I made a decision from that moment on to cherish every single solitary second with him, no matter what the situation.  I remember every trip up & down the hallway with him, Moma in front of Daddy, and me behind him.  Some trips took 30 minutes, some 45 and eventually an hour.  Even through his pain he was exceedingly respectful and at times so funny we couldn’t hold back deep belly laughs!  We’ve been told (and I was also warned) that that in his last days he could become mean and combative.  “Not my Daddy” I said…. and I was right.  He cracked jokes without even smiling, but I know he was laughing inside.  He even gave Ben & Riley advice the last night he was home that almost had us in tears it was so funny.  On one of the trips down the hall I was in front of Daddy and Roger was behind him.  I stopped and gave him a hug and told him that he was the “best Daddy in the world”, he just said  “noooo” but Roger hugged him from behind and said “yes you are”.  Sweet sweet memories I will cherish forever… God was there.  

Oscar Wayne Shinholser was the greatest Daddy in the world.  He loved me with an unconditional love not every child gets to feel.  No matter what the situation, I always knew he’d be there.  Over the last 2 years my faith in God has grown by leaps & bounds.  I believe part of the reason this happened was because God knew I’d need to have a closer relationship with Him, to be able to handle losing Daddy.

God was there through it all.  Through every piece of bad news and every glimmer of hope.  He was there in the belly laughs and in every single “I love you Daddy” & “I love you Wayne”.  He was there in the doctors and the nurses, who not only showed great care and compassion for Daddy, but for our family as well.  Moma said it best though when she said “God was there and knew how sick he was and He didn’t allow him to suffer very long.”  Seventeen days was not enough time once we realized he would be leaving us, but in many ways, seventeen days was enough, because we all had time to tell him how much he was loved!  We took every opportunity to kiss and hug him whether he wanted them or not.  So when you think about it, there’s never enough time with those we love.  The best part of it all, in Christ, there are no goodbyes and we will have eternity together. 

I have felt the prayers of my family, friends, & church.  They gave me strength I never knew possible.  But now I have a deep aching hole in my stomach that at times overwhelms me to the point of tears.  I know God feels this pain and hurt along with me.  When it wails up inside, I try to remind myself that God loves me even more than I love my Daddy.  I find hope in knowing that one day I will run through those pearly gates and wrap my arms around his neck and tell him how much I’ve missed him!  Then, I will get to live in Heaven with my earthly and Heavenly Father, oh how glorious that will be! 

He is sovereign!

Psalm 103:15-19

As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children's children, to those who keep His covenant and remember to do His commandments.  The Lord has established His throne in the heavens and His kingdom rules over all.