Not Who I Was

I’m not who I was

If you listen to Christian music much, chances are you’ve heard the song “I’m not who I was” by Brandon Heath. In case you haven’t, it goes a little like this. “I wish you could see me now, I wish I could show you how I'm not who I was”. But my favorite part is “well the thing I find most amazing, in amazing grace, is the chance to give it out, maybe that's what love is all about”. I realize today that I am NOT who I was. Not that I was a terrible person a few months back, but I am surely not who I was. I see life with a new vision. It’s so amazing how every sunrise and every sunset are so precious to me! I can’t explain the joy they bring me. It’s almost as if I’m looking through a magical pair of glasses that makes everything in my life more beautiful! A veil has been lifted and magnificent light covers everything. I can’t tell you the exact day it happened. I have tried to pinpoint that day. I started a prayer journal last year, and I’m sure it was before that. I started the journal because I realized there were so many remarkable things happening I had to write them all down to just keep up. I do know, however, what started this glorious light. It was the answer to a prayer for a desire to go to church. To begin with I didn’t pray it with all-sincerity, and that is funny to me! How silly for me to say an insincere prayer to God, who knows my thoughts! (This reminds me of the old saying, “be careful what you pray for!”) But I continued to pray that prayer because I knew that I was supposed to be in church, not only for myself, but for my boys. Then one night I was headed home with my family from going out to eat and as we passed by Central, these words unexpectedly flew out of my mouth “I can’t wait until Sunday to go to church.” I think it surprised me as much as it did my family! That night I realized that God had answered my prayer! If there is something in your life that you know is not “right”, pray about it. If you need a desire to do what God is asking you to do, pray about it. Every day, pray it. It won’t be answered overnight, but it will be answered. God tells us in His word, “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.” Ezekiel 36:26-27. Over the last few months I’ve become a huge fan of Charles Spurgeon (1834-92), who was England's best-known preacher and author for most of the second half of the nineteenth century. His writings are some of the most beautiful and eloquent I have ever read. He sums up what I feel in this devotion and prayer entitled; A New Heart.

“Sometimes, I'm afraid... that's me -- heart of stone and self-willed. And when I check around, I find most folks don't believe that people can really change who they are, at least not deep down inside. But I've seen God move in me and change me through his Spirit in times past. So I believe he can and will do it again. And I believe he can do it in more than just my heart -- he can move and change our hearts. So let's ask for our hearts to not just be softened, but to have the hard heart replaced and remade by the Spirit of God. Let's ask that the Spirit work on us to mold our will to be like the Father, and not our own selfish yearnings. Then, I believe, we will see more practice of what the Father wants, and a lot less pontificating (preaching) on what others need to do! Prayer: Almighty God, remake me and form me to have a heart like Jesus. I confess that this request scares me a bit, but I do want your Spirit to hold sway over my life; so humble me gently and reform me consistently, and remake me from the heart to be who you want me to be. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.”

I thank God I am not who I was, because I want my heart to look like His.